Mean Rubber

Photo by D Sharon Pruitt

Nothing is more enraging than environmentalists today. As some have fought the war on terror abroad, these “green soldiers” (hippies, vegans, general lame asses) have taken it upon themselves to fight the war on global warming. They have been pushing their crappy agenda and lifestyle on others for years now. Along with recycling and saving the environment, they want us all to get along and be nice to one another. That’s where I draw the line. Being green shouldn’t have anything to do with being nice. You can save the earth and still be a jerk!

Recycling
The forefront of this war on global warming is all about recycling. These bastards yammer on the importance of recycling like abusive dads hammer on their infant kids. They claim it’s to help preserve this earth. It doesn’t make sense since recycling machines also consume power but let’s pretend it’s practical. Grab your beer cans and make your way down to the recycling center. If one of these hippies should compliment you on your “part,” tell him you’re going to use your refund money to fuel the Hummer you drove in and spray the air with vintage cans of hairspray you bought off E Bay. Let’s see if they can put that in their bowl and smoke it.

Plastic Bags
We’ve all been grocery shopping. When you come home, you have the stuff you want and a whole crap load of bags that you would never use on a daily basis. Plastic bags are book bags for kids getting their G.E.D. Unless you’re that much of a failure that you couldn’t pass high school, you don’t need the extra junk in your life. Carrying your quart of milk and store brand frosted flakes doesn’t require a bag. If you decided to pop for the mac and cheese, it is a lot easier to use your book bag than to deal with useless plastic. Of course you don’t need to be told about being sensible. However, should someone comment you on your green effort, be sure to tell them you are fully stocked on plastic bags that you plan on dropping off individually in the infant ward at the local hospital. That should crap in their twiggy cereal.

Bio Degradable Waste
Greenies are all about compost piles and other ways to get rid of disposable waste. You would never catch them shitting in their compost pile – apparently that is still taboo. You will catch them suffering diarrhea of the mouth with pride about how they are making an effort. If you want to seal their red eyed mouths shut, tell them you dispose of your bio degradable waste because you’d rather not deal with the low rent assholes that work at major home repair shops. One of them claims that “you can do it, we can help” but they forgot to mention that they will only help you if the boss is around or you can catch them while they purposely ignore you. Another claims “let’s build something together,” but forgets to mention that something is a giant warehouse of apathy towards life. Either way, you’re not serving some crappy chain with your patience and wallet. To hell with you both! I’ll find those damn quarter inch screws on my own.

All these tree hugging fools deserve to be fed acorns sprinkled with cyanide. The way they preach about helping Mother Nature is complete nonsense. If anything, people should be at odds with Mother Nature. After all Mother Nature is a terrorist! When Katrina happened, people blamed the weathermen for not warning them in time. If anything, it was Mother Nature’s fault for being such a bitch. You don’t have to be green to do that tramp a favor. And you don’t have to serve people’s hippie bullshit either. Recycle, reuse and abuse -also be sure to punch a baby and scream racial epithets as well!