Drop the Gym and Save Coin!
Photo by Internet
Gym memberships are like cell phones, everyone has one. The difference is, unlike a cell phone, most people don’t use the gym everyday. In a time when being money conscious is the least we can do to fund our nightly vices, here are alternatives to the gym that will leave you feeling healthier than a session with a colon cleanser or vacuum attachment (tough times).
Classes
Most people don’t understand the gym is betting against you. A year long contract means monthly payments deducted from your checking account. They already own you like you’re darker than the end of Roy G. Biv. It’s like college, even though you pay, you don’t have to show up. A gym that makes money needs a fraction of their clientele to show up while the rest pass to sit on their ass. It is the equivalent to fighting a Russian boxer in Russia, beating him, and suffering harrowing brain damage while your brother-in-law blows all your money. You can convince yourself that your gym membership is a step in the right direction but in the end, you’re losing. The alternative is classes. Any physical activity class needs you to show up or they won’t make money. In addition, they are mainly pro-rated so you can get your money back. You are their main source of marketing because a live demonstration of a kickboxing cardio workout looks weird. If they can’t work you out like that time you met that stranger in the Bahamas after you were cheated on, then no amount of ads in the Pennysaver is going to make a difference for the places that hold classes.
Portion Control
If you can’t manage to put that cupcake down, then no amount of gym time is going to save you. You can’t work off a Burger King meal with a forty-five minute workout. Most people aren’t actually hungry when they eat because food has become a common form of social interaction. People have been meeting over food for centuries. If you want to stay out of the gym, treat eating as a form of survival as opposed to an activity to pass the time. When the time comes to eat, pick up something remotely healthy. You’ll learn to realize that you require less than you expect when that apple quenches your pseudo hunger. In addition, you will learn to appreciate the taste of simplicity as if you were an Orthodox Jew who caught a view of some female ankle.
The World around You
There is this form of exercise that people have been using since the dawn of time. It’s called walking! You can get extra steps wherever you go. This shouldn’t be hard to figure out, stairs as opposed to the elevator or escalator, parking your car a little further away, or biking short distances as opposed to driving. It is interesting to note the gym charges you for all these activities. They are the stair master, treadmill, and stationary bike respectively. Combine these simple cardio exercises with some crunches and pushups and you will start to see the difference in your energy and general shape.
Since gyms have become the normal standard for exercise, those not part of one are inclined to do less about their well-bring. The world produced less fat people when gyms weren’t around. In addition, if your gym costs $50 a month, you are throwing $600 a year for a contract that doesn’t hold you accountable for your actions. Does this mean the gym is for nobody? No, the gym is for those who make it an integral part of their lives or those who were picked on by other children or those beaten by angry parents. The gym is actually niche specific, and if you can’t relate to what it was like to be touched in special places, then the gym isn’t for you.
