Mean Rubber

Photo by Urthstripe

You got the confirmation. Welcome to Corporate America! It doesn’t matter who you work for because you now have health insurance and a steady paycheck. This may not be your dream job but now you can get screened for sexual diseases in the comfort of your in-network doctor’s office. Life is good. This is your first corporate job and before you lay your clothes out to work like this is junior high, this is what you can expect in corporate America.

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Photo by Segundos

In 1991, getting porn was mission impossible. I remember the concept of a naked woman first being introduced to me at elementary school. A broken home kid would bring in a porno magazine to share with other children who would give him more attention than his alcoholic father would when he wasn’t “tucking” him in at night. We all gathered around this kid as a gang of horny hooligans eager to catch a glimpse of a titty or two. I remember running home to see if my family had a collection of porn I could rummage through. Unfortunately, my parents kept their stash well hidden like Columbian dealers straight out the fields of Bogotá.

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Photo by timbrauhn

After graduation the last thing you think about is health insurance. That is, until you get sick. I’ve been working without health insurance for over two years and it has taught me a few tricks. Fortunately, the only pharmacist I see these days has his office on the corner of a shady block while hanging out with girls whose first names end in “iqua.”

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Photo by Internet

Gym memberships are like cell phones, everyone has one. The difference is, unlike a cell phone, most people don’t use the gym everyday. In a time when being money conscious is the least we can do to fund our nightly vices, here are alternatives to the gym that will leave you feeling healthier than a session with a colon cleanser or vacuum attachment (tough times).

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Photo by Sinabeet

Strange is best defined as random ass. This applies to women and men. If you’re considering getting back with your ex, grab your breasts (or balls) and hold tight because you’re going to find out why Strange is so much better.

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Photo by D Sharon Pruitt

Nothing is more enraging than environmentalists today. As some have fought the war on terror abroad, these “green soldiers” (hippies, vegans, general lame asses) have taken it upon themselves to fight the war on global warming. They have been pushing their crappy agenda and lifestyle on others for years now. Along with recycling and saving the environment, they want us all to get along and be nice to one another. That’s where I draw the line. Being green shouldn’t have anything to do with being nice. You can save the earth and still be a jerk!

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Photo by JohnHallAssociates

As you enter the working world, the language you are accustomed to using in an email will be replaced with politically correct business terms.  Here are five terms you should understand before clicking send.

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Photo by Glennharper

The bar scene changes nightly, but you can always expect to run into one of these five people. They can either enhance or ruin your night.  So whetheryou’re a guy or a girl, we’re here to  provide you with a short summary of what each one of these people will mean to you should you decide to partake in the pleasure of your their company.

Striped Shirt Guy

We’ve all read about the striped shirt but with today’s crazy fashions, the striped shirt guy might be the type to rely on when things get ugly or the night gets late.

To Guys:
If you aren’t wearing one yourself, you can always rely on these guys to act civil. Some of them might be cock blockers, but on the whole they are always down for random commentary/cheers. You can expect striped shirt guy to get cozy with you by the end of the night. This signifies he has struck out and it looking for any company. If you feel you’ve gotten too friendly, you can always throw in a “no homo” for your safe measure.

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