Mean Rubber

Photo by acloudman

Have you ever shared an infinitesimal moment with a stranger that you’ve still managed to hold on to with the greatest tenacity, despite its brevity? Did even a fleeting glimpse across a café leave you feeling tender in the cockles? Do you lie awake at night, wondering where you would be if only you had asked him/her out to lunch or even mustered up a “Hello”? I’ve had a few of these lost connections in the past, but rather than letting them disappear forever, I would like to use this opportunity to try to rekindle such timeless bonds. Read more…

Photo by Alex E. Proimos

It’s such a shame there are so many homeless populating the streets of NYC- well, for them. I look at it as free entertainment while I wait for my late-night train home. While the masturbating Chinese she-he with pigtails and red scrunchies entertains the N line and the toothless, pole-dancing, old black man entertains the W, my heart belongs to another. It was a warm summer night and I was exhausted and patiently waiting for the train.

Read more…

Photo by Segundos

In 1991, getting porn was mission impossible. I remember the concept of a naked woman first being introduced to me at elementary school. A broken home kid would bring in a porno magazine to share with other children who would give him more attention than his alcoholic father would when he wasn’t “tucking” him in at night. We all gathered around this kid as a gang of horny hooligans eager to catch a glimpse of a titty or two. I remember running home to see if my family had a collection of porn I could rummage through. Unfortunately, my parents kept their stash well hidden like Columbian dealers straight out the fields of Bogotá.

Read more…

Photo by timbrauhn

After graduation the last thing you think about is health insurance. That is, until you get sick. I’ve been working without health insurance for over two years and it has taught me a few tricks. Fortunately, the only pharmacist I see these days has his office on the corner of a shady block while hanging out with girls whose first names end in “iqua.”

Read more…

Photo by Internet

Gym memberships are like cell phones, everyone has one. The difference is, unlike a cell phone, most people don’t use the gym everyday. In a time when being money conscious is the least we can do to fund our nightly vices, here are alternatives to the gym that will leave you feeling healthier than a session with a colon cleanser or vacuum attachment (tough times).

Read more…

Photo by Sinabeet

Strange is best defined as random ass. This applies to women and men. If you’re considering getting back with your ex, grab your breasts (or balls) and hold tight because you’re going to find out why Strange is so much better.

Read more…

Photo by pusgums

Well, apparently Part 1, despite its overwhelmingly successful response, was unsuccessful in landing me a pad. You’d think people would be a little more caring to a guy whose current neighbors consist of an eighteen year old girl that runs her boyfriend(s?) over about once every other week and an old drunk that pretty much routinely bangs every party gal in a one mile radius in the back of his Caddy. I’m guessing his wife knows, just doesn’t give a shit. When I jog past her and she waves, somehow I feel an urge to get the fuck outta there and run Forrest run. Read more…

Photo by fergusonphotography

It was a mere two years ago that I was enrolled in a state university. Although I could punt a medium sized animal farther than the distance between my parents’ house and the campus, I was legitimately making attempts to grow the fuck up.

I survived one year. Consider that claim lightly stated. No more than five days stood between each panic attack and I spent the equivalent amount of time at home as I had when, well.. when I lived there my whole life previous.

Upon erratically informing my parents I was moving to New York City they smirked and bid me farewell. Read more…

Photo by LDRBRS

We’ve all gotten sex advice, some good, some bad, and lots of it is easy to ignore on the basis that “it will never happen to me.” I can say that the heat of passion has led me down the path of ignorance on more than one occasion, and quite frankly I’m still breathing.  Because you are likely as hardheaded and incompetent as me when it comes to ignoring the immediate gravitational pull of your penis, I will offer firsthand advice that I trust will prove invaluable to anyone on the where, when, and why of fornication. Should you ever find yourself in these situations, don’t do what I did:

Read more…

Photo by Jacob Botter

Hello, my name’s Sax, and I have a Facebook addiction.

Like oh so many of my Internet brethren, I spend far too much time on the ‘book. I don’t even know why, but dozens of times a day, I feel compelled to peruse the site. Sure I’m creepin’ pics a good deal of the time, but sometimes I’ll just go into a daze, staring blankly at status updates of people I don’t even remember. Five minutes later, I’ll do it again. I often find myself clicking on the Notifications button, Read more…